To be or not to be?
by Casketttt
Summary: Stanathan one-shot. I didn't know where else to upload it, sorry :  Reviews are welcome.


**A/N**: I had no idea where else to upload this.I never wrote anything like this before. I didn't even use to be a stanathan shipper. But then I joined tumblr. And this has been into my mind, i had to write it. I'm sorry if it's weird. Reviews are welcome anyways :)

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><p>"You know we can't do this."<p>

"Yes." She took a deep breath along with a step back. "Yes, I do know. Sorry."

Feeling almost ashamed for not being able to control those feelings anymore, Stana lowered her head.

"Hey, it's alright. You know that if we could…" Nathan raised her chin with his left hand. "I'd totally be into it."

She looked away, trying not to face him, trying to get him to drop his hand, trying to put herself together.

"But we can't." He whispered.

"I know, I know. But it just keeps getting harder and harder."

Nathan didn't say anything and they both stood there, in the middle of the trail, involved in that heavy silence and those unresolved feelings.

They gazed into each other's eyes and Nathan saw it, saw the pain she was in but as he wanted to comfort her he found himself having a hard time with words. She realized it and gave a small step, standing closer to him again, giving him the opportunity to embrace her in a meaningful hug, which he did. Stana wasn't sure for how long exactly they had stayed in each other's arms, but it had surely been for longer than what it seemed when she let him go.

"You know, I love this show but… sometimes… I just wish…" – Nathan started.

"You just wish?" Stana sat on the couch, exhausted. It had been a long day, she had arrived to the set at 7 a.m and now, 11 hours later, there were still scenes to be shot.

"Nothing, forget it."

"Say it."

He sat by her side, rubbing his eyes.

"Sometimes I wish…" He looked out of the window to see the crew running from one place to another as they set everything that would be necessary for the next scene. "I wish that we could just go out there, make out as Castle and Beckett, then I'd just give you a ring or something, you'd solve your mother's case, tell me how you've always been a fan of my books and then they would live happily ever after."

She laughed at the same time she raised an eye brow. "Yeah. Right. You really think our show is that predictable?"

"No. But right now I'm wishing it was."

"So we could…be together without worrying about anything else?"

"Yep. So we could be together without worrying about anything else." Nathan repeated.

"That was kinda sweet." She put a hand above his shoulder, and then started playing with his hair.

"It was, wasn't it? I managed to give us both, you and me, Castle and Beckett, a happy ending." He grinned at her.

"You did. But good luck convincing Marlowe that the show as given everything it had to give." She grinned back.

"Is that a challenge?"

Stana laughed again towards his enthusiastic expression.

"No, Nathan. It's not a challenge. I don't really want to end the show. Do you?"

"No, I don't."

"Plus I still think we could give this a shot anyway." She whispered, the pain coming back to her eyes.

"And have to face the tabloids? And then Marlowe and the rest of the cast giving us a lecture about how this could ruin the show?"

"Oh God, that would be hell."

They both stayed in silence until Stana spoke again.

"To be honest they would be right."

"About what?"

"If we gave it a shot and it went wrong…I wonder if I'd be able to keep playing Beckett the same way. If I'd be able to be here every day. With you."

"I'm sure you would. You're a great professional, Stana. I've told you that."

"It's different when it comes to heart breaks." She gave him a sad smile.

"Wow, who's talking about heart breaks? No one said I was gonna break your heart!"

She smiled.

"I was just imagining all the possible case scenarios."

"Yeah. Right." Nathan shrugged.

"Seriously, we need to make a decision here."

"Didn't we already?" He asked.

"I thought we did. But after this talk I'm having doubts."

"What do you mean?"

"We need to go through this again, Nathan."

"Through what?"

"Through this talk. So…We can't be together because of the tabloids? Come on, we can handle them. Because of the people involved in the show? Well, they'll get through it eventually." She said. "What else?"

"The fans?"

"Well, they will explode. Is that a bad thing?"

"Not sure."

"I don't think so. Although if this goes badly it might have consequences on the ratings."

"Come on, Stana, you don't think they'd stop watching Castle if they knew we broke up or that we didn't really get along anymore."

"Are you planning to stop getting along with me?"

"Like you said, just imagining all the possible case scenarios!" He grinned.

"Oh, you better."

They were closer now. Stana could feel his hand right next to hers between them both, in the couch. They faded into each other's eyes leaving the world behind. They both knew it was about to happen again and this time Nathan didn't feel like stopping it like he did just before their conversation started. This time it was actually him, who leaned towards her, as staring to her lips, to her eyes and then to her lips again.

She felt her own hand reaching out to Nathan's neck before she could even think about what was happening. Stana closed her eyes and stopped thinking. She didn't care anymore. She just wanted him, and if he wanted her too she wasn't gonna be the one to stop him.

Their lips touched. A hesitating touch, but then he felt her warm hand on his neck and that was the only sign he needed. His lips found hers in a passionate, wild kiss. Their tongues met, dancing back and forth. She leaned back on the couch and wrapped her legs around him. He ran his hand gently through her body, from her hair to her thighs.

She could feel the warmth emanating from his body, she could feel his heartbeat. They hadn't kissed like that for three years now. Since that day they stayed late in the studios to rehearse a particularly difficult scene. They had always had chemistry, since the very first day. That day three years ago, it had been the first time they had given into it. Alone in the set, no one ever found out. They had decided it was best for both not to go that way, the show was brand new, they didn't know each other very well yet, they couldn't take any chances.

_But now it was different_

"I think we can do this, Nathan." Stana gasped, between kisses. "It's not…It's not three years ago anymore."

"Maybe. Maybe we can." He replied.

They stared at each other. Their noses were in contact but their lips were apart now. They were both almost out of breath.

"And it won't go wrong. I promise you." Nathan whispered, close to her ear.

"That's quite a promise." Stana replied.

"I intend to keep it." He said, firmly.

"It's not only up to you. There are too many things involved."

"I'll do my best then. That I can assure you."

She kissed him again and then the kiss turned into a smile.

"I'll do my best too."


End file.
